In life, we often have to make important decisions. This is also the case in many relationships, both new and existing ones. Relationships are characterized by ups and downs that sometimes force us to make decisions. It is important to embrace both the ups and the downs because, as a Japanese saying goes, it is only by experiencing and overcoming such moments that you strengthen your bond and create meaning in the first place. However, when exploring this analogy, it is important to realize that not all relationships are meant to last indefinitely.

Understanding the Rollercoaster of Relationships

As already mentioned, there are always ups and downs. It is comparable to a rollercoaster ride. And just as you start a rollercoaster ride and thus a relationship from a neutral starting point, so should the exit be.

As you read on, think of a relationship that is particularly close to your heart.

When I talk about a low point, I mean the challenging moments that you have to face and when you would just like to pull out. On the other hand, the high points are the moments when we make decisions from a state of euphoria and dive ourselves deeply into commitment. Both are very extreme emotional states. The key point in both scenarios is that decisions should be made at an emotionally neutral time.

Because what highs and lows have in common is that they are only temporary and keep moving in a direction you thought you would not get out of. When decisions are made at such extreme points, the conclusion in both cases is that you live with regret. You regret that you gave up too quickly because you were somewhere else emotionally, or you regret that you acted too hastily in the heat of joy and only realized afterwards that not everything is always so good.

Kintsugi – The Art of Forming strong bonds

A relationship is like a vase that can easily break and must therefore be handled with care. But broken does not have to mean ruined. In Japan, there is the art of repairing cracks in a vase with gold, which consequently forms a stronger foundation. This analogy reflects the idea that getting through uncomfortable times leads to more depth and value and creates stronger bonds that are less likely to break as opposed to less meaningful relationships with weaker bonds.

The more tough times you go through and overcome, the stronger your connections become. Without challenges, the good moments wouldn't mean as much. Good times only exist and are valuable because there are also tough times.

It is precisely this discomfort or risk that puts many people off Many people shy away from discomfort or risk, but you can't build meaningful and deep connections without taking some chances and putting in effort. Good things don’t just fall from the sky, they have to be created. That being said, it’s crucial to acknowledge there is still a limit. The art lies in knowing when to make decisions, ensuring they won't be regretted. It's a delicate balance – embracing challenges while being mindful of the right time to act.

Choosing Wisely: Moments to Avoid Hasty Decisions

  • Anger
  • Frustration
  • Hurt
  • Exhaustion (and sometimes hunger)
  • Immediately after a setback or bad experience

Discussable:

  • When things are going just perfect
  • Overwhelming joy

 Conclusion

Life is like an emotional rollercoaster in which decisions are made at every moment between the highs and lows. Similar to the Japanese art of kintsugi, relationships gain strength through challenges. But as with kintsugi, there is a limit - a balance between enduring discomfort and recognizing the right time to move forward is necessary. On the rollercoaster, emotions rise and fall, often causing decisions to be regretted afterwards. The trick is to make decisions when you are emotionally balanced. This ensures thoughtful decisions that focus on long-term benefits rather than fleeting emotions.

Just like entering a relationship, leaving one should be done when you are back at a stable point. And only then should you decide whether you want to leave or move on to the next attraction together.