When feeling overwhelmed, we often make decisions out of desperation – regardless of the consequences - leading to destructive progress or looping us back to the beginning. Recognizing such behavior is key; acknowledge the thoughts but resist impulsive actions. In these desperate moments, the challenge isn’t just acknowledging the thoughts but to navigate through the darkness without any clear alternatives. When emotions cloud our vision, we seem lost in the dark, seeking a glimpse of light to guide us.

When is it Considered Self-Sabotaging?

Self-sabotage means making poor decisions, whether consciously or not, that clash with our long-term goals. It’s akin to a storm impacting our personal relationships, career and health. Manifesting as a desperate attempt to seize control, it becomes the last resort to feel some sense of control over one’s life.

Examples of Self-Sabotage

  1. Family Struggles: Feeling overwhelmed in family matters may lead to impulsive decisions. The weight of responsibilities and making everyone happy, often at your expenses, leads to sacrificing your happiness for others expectations.
  2. Study Challenges: When studying becomes tough, abruptly stopping may seem like a way out. Postponing tasks until decisions are forced upon us becomes a self-sabotaging pattern, where poor decisions become inevitable.
  3. Relationships: Feeling like you aren’t good enough for a relationship can trigger self-sabotage. Engaging in unnecessary conflicts or inventing issues instead of addressing the real underlying problems is a common manifestation.

Remember, not the universe nor an evil eye, but your own actions shape your path. This is all you. However, that is just how life is sometimes. Remember, self-sabotage is self-inflicted, but recognizing it is the first step. Instead of dwelling, change your approach.

Forms of Self-Sabotage

Let’s look into what forms self-sabotage can take to better understand and recognize them.

  • Procrastination: Delaying tasks and goals, hindering progress. Procrastination can oppose productivity and result in missed opportunities.
  • Negative Self-Talk: Undermining your abilities and potential through critical inner dialogue. Negative self-talk can reduce self-esteem and hinder personal growth.
  • Perfectionism: Striving for flawless outcomes, often leading to unrealistic standards. Perfectionism can hinder progress as the pursuit of perfection may prevent the completion of tasks.
  • Lack of communication: Avoiding open and honest communication with others. Lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, strained relationships, and missed opportunities for collaboration.
  • Resisting Change: Unwillingness to embrace new opportunities or adapt to evolving circumstances. Resisting change can limit personal and professional growth and oppose the exploration of new possibilities.
  • Poor self-care: Neglecting one's physical, emotional, or mental well-being. Poor self-care can lead to burnout, diminished resilience, depression, and a compromised ability to handle challenges effectively.

Guidance – What now?

While providing a one-size-fits-all guideline for all forms of self-sabotage may be challenging, let's start with some general guidance to get you started.

Three immediate Steps:

  1. Break it down
    Approach:     Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Identify specific aspects that feel overwhelming.
    How to Implement It: Divide the problem into smaller, more manageable parts. Tackling one component at a time can make the situation feel less daunting. Instead of constantly fixating on the outcome, focus on the next step and the one after. Take it one step at a time, progressively.
  2. Focus on what you can control
    Identify Control Factors:     Determine factors within your influence or ability to change.
    Benefits: Focusing on what you can control empowers positive actions, even in challenging situations. Recognize that dwelling on things beyond your control won't alter them. Instead, let go of what you can't change and take action where you have influence. Accept that you won’t be able to make everyone happy – you got to live with that.
  3. Communicate: Talk with people about it and get help
    Challenging Step:     The toughest of these steps involves opening up and actually talking with people about it and asking for support. When there's only so much within your control, and you desire more influence, involving others is crucial. It's entirely reasonable to seek help; you don't have to navigate challenges all alone. What truly matters in these situations is the outcome, not the journey. Whether you overcome your challenge independently or succeed by seeking help from friends, family, or even strangers does not matter when it comes to self-sabotaging patterns.

Concluding words

Life often throws challenges our way, but it's essential to remember that even the toughest times will eventually pass. Breaking down the problem and focusing on one step at a time, instead of becoming overwhelmed in the storm of troubles we face, can be immensely helpful in overcoming such times.